THE METS ANSWER FOR NEW YORK YANKEES STEAKHOUSE

THE METS ANSWER FOR NEW YORK YANKEES STEAKHOUSE

The Yankees Steakhouse “NYY STEAK” is not alone now. The Mets have responded. Aaaaaaand it’s a pathetic joke: Continue reading “THE METS ANSWER FOR NEW YORK YANKEES STEAKHOUSE”

Yankee Observations from a Delusional Yankees Fan

Yankee Observations from a Delusional Yankees Fan

God I can’t wait until Bryce Harper mans left-field in Pinstripes in 2019.

Manny Machado better bring up that .220 batting average if he expects to be our third baseman of the future, we got this guy named Gleyber Torres whose about to make every clown in the city chant “Gley-buhhh”…clap clap…”Gley-buhhh”! That’s right, he’s only 20 years old and won MVP of the Arizona Fall League. Epstein may have broken two curses but Brian Cashman is the don of deal-makers among MLB GMs.

What happens to Jacoby Ellsbury and his $25 million per year, when carrottop Clint Frazier starts raking in Scranton. Oh wait, we’ll just salary dump him to Houston because they take the Brian McCann’s of the world off our hands…especially when the Baby Bombers come up.

Until then we’ll let the rest of the AL East play with some semblance of hope.

Continue reading “Yankee Observations from a Delusional Yankees Fan”

UNBELIEVABLE: You Can Now Bet On Steroid Suspensions.

UNBELIEVABLE: You Can Now Bet On Steroid Suspensions.

I love the expression “If I were a gambling man…”, I use it all the time. With it, you get to simultaneously feel out the odds for any prediction whatsoever, and nobody thinks your a total degenerate for mentioning gambling at a funeral. I once managed to successfully escalate an “innocent” prediction on the race and gender of the next person to pass by on the street into myself and 3 co-workers screaming “Oooh! Asian MAN!” With cash in hand. I lost all I had on me that night (Like $12), but my point is this expression and the idea of betting on anything is a dream for a total degenerate like myself. Continue reading “UNBELIEVABLE: You Can Now Bet On Steroid Suspensions.”

“Trade Value: Fantasy, Reality & Delusion” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 51)

“Trade Value: Fantasy, Reality & Delusion” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 51)

In this episode of CapFigure Podcast, we explore everything related to trade value. What are the factors that make a player more valuable than his peers? What is the difference between a player’s value in fantasy baseball and his value to his MLB organization?

When should you trade one elite player for two above-average players? (Spoiler Alert: Under no circumstances should anyone ever trade Joey Votto for Eric Hosmer & Trevor Cahill)

Which players would go in the first round if there were a draft of all current MLB players? Kris Bryant, Nolan Arenado, Bryce Harper, Clayton Kershaw or Mike Trout?

To what extent does a player’s position factor into his trade value? Why is Gary Sanchez the crown jewel of trade value?

All these questions and more, if you call yourself a baseball fan you won’t want to miss a thing! Continue reading ““Trade Value: Fantasy, Reality & Delusion” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 51)”

HOW TO MAKE EVERYONE IN YOUR FANTASY LEAGUE HATE YOU

HOW TO MAKE EVERYONE IN YOUR FANTASY LEAGUE HATE YOU

     I only last week had the life changing realization that I have become “Angry People on Twitter” @horriblestats I deleted a bunch of angry tweets but my feed still has sparkles of hate throughout. What caught my attention was that 10 of my 10 most recent tweets were Literally All not-that-nice tweets to the MTA about the MTA (The organization that runs public transit in New York).

      I now understand the spewing septic tank of venom that is Twitter. Today it is possible to instantly get your haterade, unfiltered and somewhat anonymous, to the hateree. “Twitter is revolutionary?! Well golly gee we had no idea! Thanks Ryan!”

The point is that this isn’t that. This isn’t twitter hate. This runs deeper than twitter hate. I’ve had a full 24 hours to think about and discuss this Mouth Breather. From laughing with my boss, to fear that Baseball-Trade-Mutt-Dumbass-Disorder might be an unknown STD you get from simply trying to Fuck People. Buy your asian mask things now you guys. BTMDD is serious.

So here is how you can get everyone in your league to hate you. Act like this kid:

Continue reading “HOW TO MAKE EVERYONE IN YOUR FANTASY LEAGUE HATE YOU”

“Royal Blues, Rangers in Danger?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 50)

“Royal Blues, Rangers in Danger?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 50)

In this episode of CapFigure Podcast, we examine the disappointing performance of the Kansas City Royals and Texas Rangers, thus far in the 2017 MLB season.

The Kansas City Royals seemed poised for a dynasty run following their World Series Championship in 2015. With a young core of players and an invigorated fan base, the future seemed so promising. Now one month into 2017, the Royals’ championship window is seemingly closed and the question must be asked…is it time to sell?

Despite the return of Yu Darvish and the emergence of Joey Gallo, the Texas Rangers have been riddled by injuries to future Hall of Famer Adrian Beltre and Cole Hamels. No one could have predicted that the Rangers’ offense would rank near the bottom of every offensive category. Will the Rangers continue their sluggish start, or will they emerge as a World Series contender?

All these questions and more, if you call yourself a baseball fan you won’t want to miss a thing! Continue reading ““Royal Blues, Rangers in Danger?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 50)”

Baseball’s Worst Players of 2017: The All-Buxton Team!

Baseball’s Worst Players of 2017: The All-Buxton Team!

I know I know I know I know shut up, shut up. It is a small sample size. However! :::::Finger Pointed to the Sky:::::::  Since the 2017 All-Star Team Ballots are now open I thought it cute and unfair to look at which players have hurt their teams the most so far. The worst players of 2017. The All Buxton Team.

Remember in 2015 when just a few weeks before the All-Star Game 8 Royals were on the starting team? Everyone was freaking the fuck out because Omar Infante was set to cement his legacy next to Joe Morgan and Robinson Cano. Well this team could just be the 2017 Royals. With Alex Gordon, Eric “Bottle-service” Hosmer, Alicides Escobar, The new Omar Infante, and their 3rd baseman who is so bad the fans call him a Moose! They are dead last in Baseball (by a lot) with 97 runs scored this season. They would make a great Buxton 2017 Team. Unfortunately though as much as I love bashing the Royals (Met pain?) Not one Royal made the team.

Here is the team, as we stand today Mid-May 2017 of players who have been the least valuable:

Continue reading “Baseball’s Worst Players of 2017: The All-Buxton Team!”

“Matt Harvey, The Yankees?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 49)

“Matt Harvey, The Yankees?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 49)

In this episode of CapFigure Podcast, we take inventory of the state of baseball in New York City. The Mets & Yankees have flipped scripts, starting out the season against the expectation of most MLB analysts.

With the best run differential in the AL and fresh off a sweep of the World Champion Cubs at Wrigley Field, the surging Yankees are hitting on all cylinders. Aaron Judge, Starlin Castro and Luis Severino have exceeded expectations. Will the Yankees be able to maintain the hot start and win the AL East? Or will the Baby Bombers’ bats cool off?

Meanwhile over in Queens, the Mets’ have been plagued by one injury after another. What was considered the best starting rotation in baseball, now is left to patch up the holes left by the losses of Noah Syndergaard, Matt Harvey and Steven Matz. What’s wrong with Matt Harvey? Are the Mets a playoff contender or pretender?

All these questions and more, if you call yourself a baseball fan you won’t want to miss a thing! Continue reading ““Matt Harvey, The Yankees?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 49)”

BEST HR CALL OF ALL TIME Ft. Manny Ramirez, Ex-Girlfriend, Heartbreak & Covering Up Pain!

Hi!,

I recently discovered this really great show you guys! Its a little known show called “The Wire”, its about Crack and Baltimore and This guy named Omar and Police. You should really check it out!

Also THE BEST HOMERUN CALL I HAVE EVER HEARD. Its from 2013. You are probably saying to yourself  ” Ryan these gems? how do you find them so quickly?” Just watch and ill explain.

“TH-IS BAWL IS LON- GONE JUS-A LIKE-A THE EX GIRLFRIEND WHO. WILL. NEVER. RETURN! HOMERUN”

I don’t dare suggest the call itself requires ANY commentary to get better enjoyment out of it. It is perfect. PERFECT.

But I do have a few observations:

  1. These fans are going ape-shit. Like insane. I have many questions that I’m sure I could just look up the answers to, but lets just speculate without facts. Is this a regular season game? Its only the second inning right? do they know they are still losing? do they go this crazy always at every game? Did the fans somehow hear this amazing call and understand another language before it even happened?
  2. Some dude gives him a gift when he gets to the dugout. What did he get? Is this normal? Manny didn’t seem very thankful as he mimes throwing it into the crowd. That is really rude Manny. I don’t open a birthday gift and joke- mime throwing it out my window.
  3. He has like 82 teammates. Does he know any of their names? Does he know all of their names? That’s a lot of high fives to give before entering the dugout. Again, I’m sure I could find out roster size in china with a simple google-effort but I prefer the idea of quadruple platoons at every position on the team except Manny’s because is 4X the man.
  4. The play by play guy not only is supremely confident in his ability to speak English, but that his joke is funny, AND will translate. That’s swag one can only dream of. I love him, I love you, I love everybody…. Thanks 3 year old Clip!

Since I have no idea how to write I am going to sign off like this is a letter

Come home safe, Ryan Depaulo

@horriblestats

“Mets Medical Malpractice?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 48 )

“Mets Medical Malpractice?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 48 )

In this episode of CapFigure Podcast, we question the medical staff of the New York Mets. What went wrong with Yoenis Cespedes’ hamstring and Noah Syndergaard’s bicep, and what it means for the team. Are there any players signed this past off-season that teams would like a refund for? All these questions and more, if you call yourself a baseball fan you won’t want to miss a thing! Continue reading ““Mets Medical Malpractice?” from CapFigure Podcast (Episode 48 )”